Quotes Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably becau...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath a...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on S...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarel...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily ly...

Eighty percent of success is showing up....

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for ...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there...

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling ...

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his ke...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when...

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my...

I am two with nature....

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortun...

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a ...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really wa...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bea...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want ...

I failed to make the chess team because of my height....

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotiona...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being push...

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle...

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal....

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice....

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twen...