Quotes Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have th...

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anythin...

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are exp...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the wor...

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are h...

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on ...

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned s...

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pre...

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to....

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reas...

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by ...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make str...

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they...

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family....

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men d...

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To li...

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not colo...

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on ...

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, ...

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they...