Quotes Dave Barry

"Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of pers...

"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands ...

"Drug testing is very big in football. This is because footb...

"If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for a ...

"People who want to share their religious views with you alm...

"The ACLU is always yakking about the Constitution, and most...

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will gi...

"We should enact an 'e' tax. Government agents would roam th...

"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overwei...

"Back in the old days, most families were close-knit. Grown ...

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling ...

"My mother used to say to me: "Son, it's better to be rich a...

"Cooking was invented in prehistoric times, when a primitive...

"Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with peopl...

"It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a d...

"If God had wanted us to spend our time fretting about the p...

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and sa...

"The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they h...

"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the ...

"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the ...

"Without computers, the government would be unable to functi...

"'You scratch my back, and I'll suck blood out of yours' - t...