Quotes Dave Barry

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have t...

I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many storie...

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the t...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the huma...

If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything i...

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a mo...

In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any Amer...

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explana...

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands o...

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb chole...

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for dire...

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by exper...

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it....

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful f...

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end t...

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a...

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a lax...

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there...

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance....

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydroge...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religiou...

People who want to share their religious views with you almo...

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function ...

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their sh...

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skie...